12 Days of Yule ~ Day 10

10th Day of Yule – Remembering the Noble Virtue of Self-Reliance
December 29th

"Do not create co-dependent relationships in any way. Do not let your happiness, or your success, be determined by anyone else. Be responsible for yourself. Rely on your own efforts to secure your needs."

"I've learned to trust myself, to listen to truth,
to not be afraid of it and to not try and hide it."
~ Sarah McLachlan ~

I lived most of my childhood, adolescence and adulthood as an on-again/off-again Christian. It seemed to me that's what was expected, and being a people-pleaser that's what I did. It wasn't until this last year that I took a leap of faith and started to trust myself. To listen to my own inner truth. To rely on what that truth told me and to follow it, wherever it led me.

It hasn't been an easy path to follow. Being a solitary, I've had to rely on myself, to educate myself, to practice, to seek out new truths and to follow those truths, so long as they ring true. If at some point they don't ring true anymore, then I'll rely on myself to alter that truth so that it does ring true. It's an ever-changing landscape, but I know that I can rely on myself to stay the course.

One truth that is ringing ever-louder is that I have to be responsible for myself. For the truths or untruths that I tell myself, or if I choose to listen to others, what my portion of responsibility is in what they're telling me. No one has power over me. I'm responsible for myself and I have to rely on myself to tell myself so.

It's a process, and even at my age I'm still growing, still learning, still working on those parts of me that harbor the child within. You see, she still relies on me, and I'm not going to let her down . . .

12 Days of Yule - Day 8

8th Day of Yule – Remembering the Noble Virtue of Discipline
December 27th

"Our way is not an easy way. In many aspects, we fly in the face of the society around us. Stay true to the ideals of the ancient Celtic ways as they unfold in your life. Be diligent in the study of your beliefs. Stay true to the goddesses and to the great Celtic people."

Well, here we are on Day 8 of the 12 Days of Yule - a little more than halfway through the Yule season. While this time of year lends itself to spiritual matters, matters of the heart, and of one's beliefs, I find that the ideas coming to me each day are not necessarily of that sort. I guess because I practice, read and endeavor to be a spiritual person most days of the year so during this time my attention is also focused on mundane issues . . . like, well, the body. And with the calendar New Year fast approaching, resolutions are coming to mind.

My body is in a sorry state. I haven't exercised since it got so cold outside that it could freeze off any parts exposed in a matter of seconds. No excuse really, I could be exercising in the house. Apparently my body isn't aware of that - and I'm not telling. I'm eating carbs like they're going out of style and well simply put, I'm a bulging heap of mashed potatoes. Add to that the sugar 'fog' I've been living in and well, discipline . . .

So it's time to get tough with myself. To initiate some 'discipline'. Time to get the eating under control and to that end we're going back on our clean eating regime starting next week. Discipline . . . I'm also going to start using my Leslie Sansone walking tapes every day, starting tomorrow. Discipline . . . And I'll be hitting the weights on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Discipline . . . And I'd really like to use those beautiful new skates Brian bought me for Yule last year, let's say at least once a week. Discipline . . .

I'm making that my new mantra . . . DISCIPLINE . . . a simple word really and I think a much better word than 'motivation' (if I could just find some) or 'determination' (sounds like I should climb a mountain) or 'just do it' (sounds like nagging to me). The word discipline conjurs up a sense of responsibility. Responsibility to myself and no one else . . . just me . . . oh, and the muffin top . . .